Dear Reader,
I realize that I'm not a student at Bryan any longer, and as such am not directly affected by the recent resignation of Dr. Wilhoit. However, even from far away I have felt the heartache and deep loss of a man who I truly admired and loved so very much. And since I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him in person, I suppose I will write it out here.
Words cannot adequately express the grief I feel right now. Dr. Wilhoit was without a doubt my favorite college professor. Yes, he was tough. Yes, he was stubborn. Yes, he could be frustrating and discouraging. But I can honestly say (as I know countless others would) that without his demand for excellence, above average performance and hard work, I would not be the person I am today. From day one of freshman Sightsinging, when other students were whining and complaining about his mean words and his negative opinion of their abilities, I could see that behind the harsh exterior was a man who simply wanted his students to succeed. He wanted them to be great musicians, to be artists who were confident and capable. While other people around me were griping and telling their "DW Horror Stories," for some reason I never really felt any ill-will towards him. He had the type of personality I could relate to, that I could respect. He, like me, was a perfectionist and honest to a fault. If he knew what was wrong with your performance, your pitch, or your paper...he would surely tell you. In no uncertain terms. And I loved that. Why? Because when you finally succeeded, it made his genuine praise SO much more worthwhile. You knew you deserved it. His compliments were rarely given and deeply treasured. Despite his "scariness," from my first encounter with him, all I saw was someone I deeply respected and therefore wanted to gain approval from.
Of course I had my moments where Dr. Wilhoit frustrated me; there were many Music History listening tests I cried over. There were Leonard Bernstein lectures I loathed. There were many musical rehearsals where I would leave so incredibly discouraged, thinking that I would never be good enough, never be talented enough for him and his unachievable standards. The bar was too high. It was impossible. There were WAY too many chapel run-throughs in the band room where I'd be at the piano, playing the hymn (probably Immortal, Invisible) and he'd stop me to say, "No no no, don't be choppy! You have to play fluidly, more legato....BUT DON'T USE THE PEDAL!" It infuriated me to no end. And here's the irony: It took me 9 semesters to finally understand what he meant. Yep; I became the accompanist he wanted literally 2 months before I graduated. Alas...at least I can say I figured it out; some pianists were not so lucky. ;)
However, all stressful moments aside, all tense encounters erased, I will never, EVER forget what happened when I graduated. It was Bryan's Christmas Concert, and consequently it was my very last time to play the piano for a college event. The piece I performed with the orchestra was in the first half of the concert, and when intermission started I looked up to see Dr. Wilhoit walking over to the piano.
He reached out for my hand, gave me a bear hug, kissed my cheek and said, "Sweetheart, I love your playing. It was beautiful."
And in that moment, every single homework assignment I didn't understand, every single all-nighter I pulled for his class, every single frustrating correction he would give me during a rehearsal....they all made sense. And instead of being reasons to dislike or resent the man, they became reasons to love and appreciate him all the more, for I realized that this was what he had been pushing me towards for the past 4 1/2 years. All he wanted was for me to succeed. And that's what he has wanted...and, I believe, still wants for every student.
This entire situation breaks my heart. I don't fully understand it. I doubt that I ever will be able to comprehend what happened. But here's what I do know.
Dr. Wilhoit radically changed my life.
He gave me the ability to grow beyond my wildest expectations, and when he did compliment or encourage.....it was genuine and well-deserved.
He may have seemed abrasive, short-tempered and uncaring, but I hope all of Bryan College's music students, past and present, will stand behind me in saying that he actually cared about us more than we knew...and I hope that somehow he realizes we all care about him too.
I don't know that he will ever read this, but just in case...
Dr. Wilhoit, I will never forget you. And whether you realize it or not, you have impacted, developed and transformed my life in a way that no one else has or ever will. \
Thank you for being:
The teacher I desperately needed,
The mentor I often sought out,
The goof I always quoted,
The avid fan I secretly wished for,
And the friend I prayed my professors would become.
All my love,
Lexi <3
