Letting Go, Letting God; A Lesson in Leaning

I'm not quite sure where to start.

I'm back at Bryan for one final semester. Having already graduated with my Piano Performance degree, I just needed a few more credits to complete my Theatre degree and I'll be done with undergrad for good.

At first, I was super excited to be coming back. I love Bryan! There's nowhere else I'd rather be in the whole world. I feel more at home here than anywhere else, and whenever I'm away all I do is think about being on this campus. I couldn't have been more thrilled at the thought of returning.

But as the summer went on, I began to think more and more about my situation. Most of my class was gone. Graduated. Done with this time of their lives. Moving on.

And I was stuck.

My roommate, Emilie, was gone and moving to Knoxville for a new job. I was going to be living in a dorm room by myself.

None of the people that I started college with as an awkward freshman would be here with me anymore, and it made my heart hurt.

But I convinced myself that it would all be OK. I have other friends. I have other reasons to enjoy Bryan College. I don't need those people. I would be just fine.

So....I get here for the start of the semester. I move into my room. I decorate everything just the way I want...and then I realize that it's just me. Alone.

I felt so incredibly lonely.

Sure, I have other friends. And those people mean the world to me. My suite mate Megan is awesome, and my best friend Justin is always there for me no matter what. But I think the real problem is that I feel like I don't belong here anymore.

I mean, think about it. I already had my 4 years here. I walked across the stage and got my diploma. I should be finished with college. I should be moving on to bigger things.

I've really been struggling with this lately; feeling like everyone wants me to leave, and feeling self-conscious about being stuck here. But my friends have helped me understand that it's just me feeling that way. Nobody wants me to go. The people that matter to me love me. And that's all I need to know.

I'm here for a really good reason. And because I'm here, God is going to teach me to rely on Him in a way that I've never had to before. Isn't that the way it always works? We think we're in such a good place with God until something happens and we're forced to realize that we weren't actually leaning on Him as much as He wants us to.

Which is completely.

So here's to a final semester of trusting in the Lord to be my Best Friend and to be by my side as I figure out this thing called life.

Wish me luck.