Confessions of an Overwhelmed Graduate Student.

So I've been at Louisiana Tech for a month now. 4 weeks into my masters program....

And you want the honest truth? It's a love/hate relationship.

When I first arrived on campus, I immediately wanted to go home. I felt isolated, lonely and completely out of my element. At the risk of sounding cliche, I couldn't feel God on this campus, and that was something I definitely was not used to. As much as I didn't want to, I kept comparing it to Bryan College and all I found was disappointment and loneliness. My dorm room was horrendous, our bathroom was dirty and gross, and my roommate snored so loud that I literally didn't sleep for a few days. Great way to start the new life adventure.

I went sobbing to my parents and begged them to just take me home. This wasn't what I wanted, it didn't feel right. My dad said if I could stick it out for one quarter (ten weeks), and if I still felt the same way, then he would help me pack up everything and I could come home. This seemed reasonable to me...until my parents drove away and left me standing outside my dorm.

This was uncharted territory for me. When my parents dropped me off for freshman year of college, they were crying buckets and I was just ready to start my life at Bryan. I didn't cry at all. But now? Well, they turned the street corner, drove off and I realized that they were now 16 hours away from me. If I needed a weekend at home and just needed to get off campus....that wasn't a possibility anymore. Everyone was just too far away. And so I cried. A lot.

As the days went on, things slowly got a little better. I managed to move into an on campus apartment where I have a room by myself and can actually sleep. I've gotten to know the people in my class and my professors a little more and I'm gradually finding my place in the department. I don't think I'll be going home in 6 weeks.

But it's still so incredibly hard for me here.

Because of the program I'm in, the theatre department is my life. However, there are no Christians in the theatre department (that I know of). Due to rehearsals every night, I am unable to participate in any of the on campus Bible studies or Christian ministry groups that meet on a weekly basis. I've tried to meet some of the people other times, but it just isn't working. I have no way to meet Christian friends because I have no free time outside of the theatre.

After 2 weeks of being here, I discovered that one of the girls in my graduate class is a lesbian. In fact, her girlfriend is coming next weekend to visit.

A few weeks later, I found out that my director and one of my main professors is also a lesbian.

My professors curse constantly in class. Honestly. I don't know if I'll ever get used to hearing the F bomb dropped every other sentence in a lecture. Or "shit head" as a term of endearment.

I was sitting in the cafeteria with a bunch of theatre people, and they were literally going around talking about the first time they smoked marijuana.

We have rehearsals on Sunday afternoons as well, and so it's basically impossible to view Sunday as a day of rest anymore.

My professor has figured out that my parents are in church ministry and that I went to a Christian school for undergrad, and she throws that in my face whenever I say or do anything that's slightly sassy. I don't think she means it to be cruel, but I don't appreciate hearing "I guess that Christian education didn't do very much good, did it?"


So, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Grad school is teaching me so much about theatre. I've already grown leaps and bounds in the few weeks I've been here. But emotionally, spiritually, and socially? I'm struggling big time. This isn't what I expected. I'm trying to adjust and to view the positives. But it's very difficult.

And I have a feeling it's only going to get harder.