Life Lessons. Two Years Worth.

Wow. Ok. It has been such a long time since I updated this thing.

I am officially the WORST blogger ever.

I would try to catch up the 7 people who sometimes read this on my life and how it's been for the past 2 years...but that would take like 10 pages. So let me summarize a few things for you.

My junior year of college was probably both the best and the worst year of college. I had the most amazing friend group...like, we did everything together. I was the Assistant Director of a show and also had a lead in the musical Curtains. I gave my junior piano recital and was able to accompany two of my best friends in their vocal recitals. I also had my first legitimate dating relationship. It was such a huge learning year for me. God taught me through a lot of heartache and mistakes that He knows a heck of a lot more than I do, and I should just let Him lead me instead of me trying to make my own decisions.

 A hard lesson to learn.

 But I'm trying.

So. Now I'm in my SENIOR year at Bryan..and it doesn't seem possible. Time has literally flown by, and it seems like it was only last week that I was coming in as a freshman, super pumped and excited to start my new phase of life as a college student. And now it's almost over. I can't even stand to think about leaving all of these amazing people behind and moving on to a life of work. :P

But here's the insane thing: It's only been what, 3 months? And already so many things have happened that have continued to teach me the lessons God has in store. Here's a list.

#1. 2 weeks into the semester, I ended my relationship. Wasn't the absolute worst thing that could happen, but it was still pretty tough to deal with. And still is sometimes...these things never work out the way you think they will in your head, ya know? I think girls have this idealistic image of the "still friends" routine...and every single time they think it will be just like that. And every single time they're so, so wrong. Don't get me wrong, I want that to happen more than anything--but it just takes time. And I guess I struggle with having the patience necessary to wait for the end result. Hence the lesson.

A hard lesson to learn.

But I'm trying.

#2. 2 weeks after that, my grandpa died suddenly. And I'm pretty sure that he wasn't saved. My parents seem to think otherwise, but I'm not convinced. They need that to have peace of mind...but I'm different from them. I can't just believe something that isn't black and white. I have no proof, no absolute proof that my grandpa knew the Lord and believed in Him. So how can I just assume that he made a list-ditch decision right before dying and managed to save himself? I can't. So that's been awful to deal with. There's still times when it hits me...and the pain and anger consumes my heart. I just don't understand why God would want to leave someone behind. It's such a hard concept for me to understand. I've searched a lot for the answers...and everything keeps leading back to trust. No matter how awful the circumstances, no matter how terrible it seems...He simply asks me to trust Him. Gosh, it's hard.

A hard lesson to learn.

But I'm trying.

There's no good way to wrap this up. I wish I could say that it's gradually getting better. And sometimes it's perfect. Life is wonderful. I'm surrounded by friends that love me unconditionally and care for me in ways I couldn't ask for. I have professors that help me grow and mature both as a student and as a woman. I have parents that are supportive and loving no matter what. But even with all of these things, life still sucks a lot.

At least I know I have a God who doesn't abandon me when life sucks.

I just need to make sure not to abandon Him.

And that: that is the hardest lesson of all for me to learn.

But I'm trying.