Just Enough Light.

It's funny how things happen sometimes.

I'll be honest--lately I've been feeling kinda weird.

Now that the holidays are over, life is getting back to normal, and I find myself still at home, still not working, still just....here. Without a sense of direction or purpose.

Again.

Every day TimeHop reminds me of where I was a year ago, and how different my life looked in comparison to where I am now.

But I really am trying to have a positive attitude.

I think I've said this before, but when I first got back to Appomattox I was overwhelmed with the realization that I needed to take time to find myself again. The past year changed me a lot, and I desperately needed a span of time to just be alone and sift through the emotions, thoughts and memories I had sitting around my heart and mind.

And I've been doing that. I've been spending a lot of time writing, reading, and trying my best to, as cliche as it sounds, trust the Lord to show me where I'm supposed to be going from here.

Saying you're trusting Him is a whole lot easier than actually believing it, though.

Fast forward to this morning. I'm sitting in my room on my couch, curled up in the corner with my Bible, my journal and a book I'm currently reading. It's called "Uninvited" by Lysa TerKeurst, and it focuses on how to release fear of the unknown and fear of rejection in our lives. Pretty good read.

Anyway, at the end of the chapter she wrote a prayer. In this prayer, she said,

"Though the long path is uncertain, You are so faithful to shed just enough light for me to see the very next step. 

I now understand this isn't You being mysterious. This is a great demonstration of Your mercy. 

Too much revelation and I'd pridefully run ahead of You. Too little and I'd be paralyzed with fear. 

So, I'm seeking slivers of light in Your Truth just for today and filling the gaps of my unknown with trust."

I sat there processing these words. He gives us 'just enough' light. Not enough to see everything that lies ahead, but just enough to take a step forward. And it's true, if I knew all of my future, I'd probably have a meltdown. He knows what I need. He knows how much I can handle at this particular moment.

So I got up from that time today feeling some peace about where I am at right now. Yeah, maybe I don't know where I'm going to find work. Maybe I don't have any idea what's going to happen in my life in the next few months. But when the time is right, He's going to shed the perfect amount of light on me, and I'll know what to do.

Well...guess what happened right after that?

I got a phone call from a potential employer about an interview for tomorrow.

This afternoon I got an email from my dream job for the fall, letting me know they're starting the interview process that will hopefully spread out over the next few months.

I also got an email inquiring about my interest in a summer theatre gig.

This all literally happened hours after I said something along the lines of, "God, I'm tired of trying to figure this out on my own. I really do want to trust You to guide me."

Sometimes He really pours it on thick because we're too stupid to see it.

Yeah--today was a good day. I may have not made huge amounts of progress, but it turns out I had just enough light to take the first tentative step towards my future.

How cool is that?