Week 18: Quarter-Life Crisis.

My 2016

Week #18

Quarter-Life Crisis.

Hey, ya'll.

I'm 25 today.

TWENTY FREAKING FIVE.

It definitely has not sunk in yet, and I'm honestly not sure when it's going to. About a week ago, someone made a passing comment about it and I almost had a freak out. 25 is FIVE years away from 30.

I am NOT ready to be 30. That's only 10 years away from 40.

THEN FIFTY.

I don't feel 25. (Well, sometimes I do. Sometimes my body hurts for no reason and I feel much older than that.) I don't feel that I've really been alive for twenty-five whole years...for 9,125 days.

It's been kind of an emotional thing for me. My mother raised me with each birthday being a huge, fantastic event full of parties, presents, people and a big to-do for the entire 24 hours. I loved my birthday...from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep, my birthday was PERFECT. 

Now that I'm a grownup and on my own, birthdays aren't quite as special. I'm spending pretty much the whole day alone, and last night I made a to-do list for today that said "Clean apartment/do laundry/work on homework." Super fun birthday activities.

Anyway, last night I got really sad...because fun fact about me:

I can actually be a very sappy, sentimental freak about a few things. Birthdays are one of them. For as long as I can remember, the night before my birthday I would cry and mourn the age that I was about to say goodbye to for the rest of my life. I can still recall writing in my journal when I turned 13, saying "I'm about to be 13, a teenager at last...but I'll never be 12 again. I'll never be able to go back to being a kid. Those days are gone forever."

Man, I was a pretty serious child. 

So, every year, the same thing has happened. I am looking forward to my birthday, but right before midnight I go through this mourning period for the year I've just lived. Last night was no different. I was sitting in my car, talking to Allison and Johnny from about 11:00-1:00 am, and so we passed right by my midnight "hour of change." While we were talking, I was mentally going through the past year and reflecting on everything I experienced as a 24 year old. And I realized some things.

24 was a crazy year. I:

-Lived in Knoxville with Emilie. 

-Watched most of my best friends from college graduate and move away (most of which I haven't seen since that day and it breaks my heart).

-Stood beside one of my favorite people as he married the love of his life.

-Moved back home to Appomattox.

-Started grad school (one of the scariest experiences of my life).

-Wanted to leave grad school.

-Learned how to work in a theatre scene shop (and actually do pretty ok at it).

-Figured out how to teach small children to love theatre.

-Almost died planning a Royal Tea.

-Made friends in grad school.

-Rediscovered my passion for directing.

-Became a leader in my program.

-Finally found my place here at Tech.

-Experienced the wonderfulness of directing my own production.

-Figured out what my career goals/dreams really are. (If you don't know me, that's a HUGE deal.)

-Spent another entire year single, but couldn't be happier about it. 

-Found confidence in who I really am.

24 was an overwhelming year; full of changes, moves, uncertainty, loss of friendships, gaining new friendships, learning things I never knew, expanding my abilities and so much more. I'm sad to see yet another year of my 20s disappear, but I know without a doubt that my life is beautiful and lovely...and I cannot wait to see where 25 takes me.

After all, I still have five more years before I REALLY have a crisis, right?