Week #33: Life Goes On.

My 2016

Week #33

Life Goes On.

This past week (and then some) has centered around one very simple fact:

I'm getting older.

Now don't laugh. I know that I'm only 25, and in the grand scheme of things that's actually pretty young. But all week, I've been going to various doctor's appointments, and with each one I became more aware of the fact that I'm no longer this teenager with perfect health, limitless energy, stunning teeth, clear skin and exceptional eyesight.

When, for the first time in my life, I was struggling to read the 20/20 line of letters at the eye doctor, they told me I had a stigmatism in my right eye and that "most people at your age won't have 20/20 vision, even with corrective lenses." For some reason I got so freaked out by that. I've always been really healthy, in all areas. 

As my best friend later told me, "Congratulations--you've passed your peak." 

I realize I'm being a bit dramatic here. But it just kind of got me thinking. Life goes by so quickly. For awhile now I've been majorly stressing about money, school, comp exams, graduating, finding a job, getting health insurance, and basically not trusting the Lord to provide for me at all. 

I am getting older. But I still have so much life to live. Why spend it worrying about everything under the sun? God's got this.

I'm just taking it one day at a time. 

Week #32: Friends.

My 2016

Week #32

Friends.

This past week I've been trying to accomplish a lot.

I'm trying to pack up everything I will need for school, plus find furniture for an apartment I've never seen before and have no idea how much room there will be in it. 

I'm trying to gear up for my first class I'm teaching while feeling totally unprepared and incredibly inadequate to educate anyone about anything.

I'm trying to lose weight, which means I've cut out a majority of my caffeine intake and have been walking around in a fog-like state of withdrawal. 

I'm trying to make sure I spend a decent amount of time with my family and friends, since I won't see them again until Thanksgiving.

And while I didn't feel like I conquered most of these things, spending time with friends was definitely accomplished. 

Early on in the week, I had a BFF night with my lifelong friend Morgan. We ended up having an incredible conversation and when I left, I felt closer to her than I have in a long time. It was sorely needed for us, and I'm so thankful for the opportunity we had to spend time together. 

The next day I drove to a local theatre to see an old friend perform in Spamalot, and I went with a bunch of high school friends I hadn't seen in ages. It was great to have the group united again, even if we were outside in the blazing heat surrounded by Appomattox people who don't understand the conventions of theatre. 

I also had a chance to have dinner with my dear friend Amanda, who has been in India for several months and has recently come back to the States. It was so wonderful to catch up and to hear about what the Lord has been doing in her life. We always have so much fun when we're together. 

On Sunday, my pastor got up to speak and, wouldn't you know, his sermon was on choosing your friends wisely. It was an incredible message, and I found myself so grateful for the people God has placed in my life over the last 10 years. So many friendships have continued to grow and transform into something really special to me, and this week was proof of the lasting relationships I have made through the years. I have tried to choose wisely, and I think that I have done rather well in that department. 

The rest of the week consisted of more packing, more list-making, and more stressing, but I'm glad that I was able to counteract those mundane things with lovely moments spent alongside lovely people. 

To my friends:

I love you guys. 

Week #31: Finding Direction.

My 2016

Week #31

Finding Direction.

As I state in the title, this week found me searching for direction and answers in a lot of different scenarios. Since being at home, I have been trying to explain to people what my long-term goals are (always an interesting time) and in the midst of that I have also been attempting to gear up for another year of grad school, a move back to Louisiana, preparing to teach my first class in the fall, and somehow find the time to spend with friends, family and see all of my doctors. You know, the normal summer routine. 

For those of you who know me, you know that I am pretty confident in who I am. I love being a student, I love being in theatre. I am perfectly content being single and being on my own. I know what I want to do with my life (for the first time in a looooooong while) and I'm trying to take steps to accomplish that goal. I couldn't be more content.

However, there have been moments throughout this past week where I found myself doubting who I am and what I want out of life. Whether in the midst of rehearsals for the show I directed this past weekend or in conversations with people, I had moments of confusion and feeling overwhelmed at the life I have created for myself. Is this really what I want? Am I really okay with being a theatre professor for the foreseeable future, directing plays, teaching classes, being on my own, and slowly becoming the crazy cat lady with the dramatic flair I know I am destined to be? (Cause let's be real...I'm totally gonna be that lady.) I pride myself on the level of contentment and confidence I have. These moments of confusion were stressing me out. And we all know I love stressing out. 

But God is so good to me. He uses so many moments in my life to provide clarity and answers, even in situations I didn't know I needed them. 

This week was my church's annual highschool/college drama camp, and for the first time in 10 years my dad asked me to direct the play. The kids come in from 5-9 every evening and we put together a little one act show. It's something that immediately comes to mind when I think of summer, and I was excited to be able to take on a leadership role this year.  I was really proud of my parents; they had to take a step back and not only let me do my thing, but also take direction and criticism from me. We had a few tense, awkward moments but they really tried, and I'm grateful for that. I had anticipated a much more difficult transition. 

On Sunday night, we had our final performance, and as people were congratulating the cast, a mom came up to me and said, "My daughter told me that out of all the directors she's had in her life, whether church theatre or community theatre or anything else, you were her favorite. She said you see the smallest details in a show that need fixing, and think of even the tiniest things to make the show better. She loved every minute of working with you." 

And in that moment...I had the reassurance I needed that this is what I am called to do. Directing is my passion; I've stated it so many times before on this blog. I am never happier than when I'm directing a show. Why I doubted that passion I have no idea; it is something I love with all of my heart. And there--there was my clarity. 

I've also had some moments of confusion about my current relationship status. For the last few years, I have found myself extremely content in being single. I have had absolutely no desire for a boyfriend, husband or significant other at all. I enjoy being alone; I love having the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want. 

However, over the last few weeks I have been conflicted about whether or not I really want to allow myself to be open to prospective relationships. It was quite a struggle, but God was once again faithful to give me absolute clarity and solidify my instinct that I need to continue to be on my own for awhile. As to the future, who knows. I'm not thinking about it. 

So, there you have it. Right now I'm sitting on my bed, watching Ocean's Eleven and attempting to be productive (and failing miserably, of course). Summer is quickly drawing to a close, but I'm glad I once again have a firm grasp on who I am and what's coming up in my life. 

Life is good, readers. Life is so good.