Week #28: Just One Of Those Weeks.

My 2016

Week #28

Just One Of Those Weeks. 

Dear readers,

This week was.........something else. That's really all I can say. It consisted entirely of technical rehearsals, a flurry of costumes, figuring out how to adjust sound levels and fervently hoping I wouldn't royally screw up this production.

And you know what? Opening night went really well. The crowd was responsive, the cast was energetic, there were almost no technical difficulties (I know, right?) and I felt really great about it. Despite all of the frustration, the long nights and the miscommunication throughout the entire process, I was thankful I had decided to be a part of this project. It was all worth it in the end.

.....Until yesterday, when we had two shows in one day. I figured it would be rough, but I was totally unprepared for the level of exhaustion I felt. There was also a situation with one of the actors that was uncomfortable and unpleasant to deal with. Being the stage manager, I was the one who had to confront them and resolve it. The conversation didn't go well and as a result, I was severely distracted throughout the second show. Thankfully, we were able to patch things up afterwards, but by that time I was completely drained emotionally and the thought of doing another show today made me want to weep. I was tired of managing these people; I was so irritated by their attitudes and neediness. All of the things I had felt so good about the night before now seemed ridiculous. Why did I even take this job? With the exception of one cast member and my ASM, every single person involved in this production grated on my nerves. I had been hired to do one thing and suddenly found myself doing 7 other jobs as well. I wasn't being paid enough for this. Worst decision ever, Lex. 

Today I woke up with a sore throat and the feeling that I'd slept for 5 minutes. When everyone arrived at the courthouse, it soon became clear that the entire cast was running on fumes. Jim did his best to pump up everyone's energy, but the entire show felt like an uphill battle. I felt like I made about 100 mistakes; the lead singer's mic stopped working after intermission and we couldn't change it. Our director came over to the production table and was talking loudly to us during the show, right next to where audience members were seated. Actors dropped lines and the pacing was agonizingly slow. I missed a few lighting cues because we were trying to fix the mic problem and you know what? I actually CAN'T do everything by myself! That's not how this is supposed to work! Every single aspect of this show seems to be resting on my shoulders and I'm sorry, but I'm not good enough for that responsibility.

Oh, and guess what? Jim has given Friday's brush-up run through rehearsal over to me. He won't be there, and told the cast that I was going to be directing/stage managing/running the production table. 

Cause I needed one more thing on my to-do list.

*sigh*

But the show concluded, we all went home, and I'm currently sitting in my bed, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and reveling in the silence. We made it through weekend #1, and thankfully our director has given us 4 days completely off. I am going to sit by the pool, read a lot, spend time with friends and try not to think about packing up all of my stuff to go home in a week. I'm praying that these few days without thinking about the show will help to clear my head and regenerate my spirit. 

Cause gosh, I need it. 

4 shows down. 3 to go. 

Almost there.

Week #27: Blur of Contentment.

My 2016

Week #27

Blur of Contentment.

Man, this past week has been so great.

Friend-wise: After Naomi left, my best friend Morgan from Appomattox came to stay with me for 4 days. Morgan is so good for me. I force her to slow down and be lazy for a little while, and she knows how to keep me calm and even keeled when I'm stressed. Even though it felt like I constantly had rehearsal, we still managed to have a great time together. We drove to Chattanooga and spent the day exploring the city...it was wonderful. Friends that you can try face masks with, complain about jobs with and laugh at the Mindy Project with are something to be treasured. 

As soon as she left, one of my closest and dearest friends from Bryan came to visit, Megan Darr. She was my suite mate for 2 1/2 years in college and we spent literally everyday together while in school. I hadn't seen her in over a year (which was completely unacceptable) and it was so refreshing to spend time with her for a few days. It's hard to explain how encouraging it is to see someone after 13 months and picking up exactly where you left off. Friends that you can sit in complete silence with for hours without feeling awkward is a beautiful thing. 

Job-wise: This past week began technical rehearsals...and with that change also came additions to my list of responsibilities. I learned how to operate the lighting and sound boards. I learned how to follow a calling script and be completely responsible for all technical elements of the production. I learned how to keep my cool when actors are being complete butt heads. Basically, I finally feel like I'm doing something important in this job and am excited for the performances. It's nice to not feel completely frustrated and overwhelmed overtime I go to rehearsal. 

This week was a blur. It consisted of 

friends coming and going, 

laughter, 

pictures, 

memories, 

rehearsals, 

answering questions, 

deep breaths, 

Goodbyes,

"See you soons,"

and a lack of sleep.

But I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

Week #26: Nothing is Wasted.

My 2016

Week #26

Nothing is Wasted.

I'll be honest. This week has been pretty doggone rough. The situation in which I find myself this summer is very frustrating and filled with people who take me for granted, expect me to do everything and are unnecessarily rude. I will be the first person to say that I see the inherent value of the experience; I know I'm learning more about myself and my strengths/weaknesses through it. However, it is emotionally draining and I have come home almost every night just....weary, both physically and mentally. 

This weekend was a bright spot in the midst of the gloom-my dear friend Naomi came to visit. Her laughter, encouragement and loyalty were just what I needed to remind me of what's important in life. I am so grateful for her. :)

Today, the pastor at church was talking about Saul and how God completely changed his life; only through his past mistakes could he really be used by the Lord in an incredible way. The pastor said, 

"Jesus doesn't waste anything in your life."

Such a simple statement, but such a wonderful reminder. God uses every part of our life to prepare us for what we are created to do. 

Every mistake, 

Every failed relationship,

Every bad decision,

Every unkind word, 

Every negative attitude,

Every frustrating person...

Even my summer job that was nothing like I anticipated and completely saps out my motivation and love of theatre with every rehearsal...

Even that is being used for a specific reason and is molding me for something later on. 

It's still going to be difficult, but at least now I know at the end of the day, I can look back on this experience and see how it has helped me to grow as an artist and as a child of God.

Week #25: A Week of Moments.

My 2016

Week #25

A Week of Moments.

I know this post is a little late, but this past week has been one of ups and downs.

Recently I found out that Bryan College, my alma mater, is performing Into the Woods this next academic year. Hate on it all you want, theatre people, but I adore this show. It speaks to my heart in a way that few musicals can. I've been listening to it a lot lately, and this phrase has been stuck in my head.

Oh, if life were made of moments,

Even now and then a bad one!

But if life were only moments,

Then you'd never know you had one.

I kind of disagree...sometimes I like to think of my life in moments; the good and the bad. This week has been full of wonderful and heartbreaking moments, and only when I see all of them together do I realize the beautiful tapestry they make.

This week's' moments:

*Having several great conversations with my former theatre professor who has become a very dear friend.

*Reading Sense & Sensibility and remembering how much I love Jane Austen's work...and also how much I love reading.

*Grieving over the loss of a college friend's father. We may not talk much, but the desire to be there for a hurting friend never goes away.

*Realizing that stage management is something that I am good at, but it is not something that I enjoy. 

*Reconnecting with old friends and enjoying an evening of laughter, food and conversation.

*Finding my new go-to coffee order at Harmony House.

*Feeling overwhelming sadness at the news that one of my best friends from college's newborn baby girl passed away. There are no words.

*Looking forward to my best friend from home visiting next week. 

There have been some wonderful moments, lovely time with friends, and amazing memories made. There have also been terrible situations and the knowledge that life is never exactly what you want or expect. 

I'm thankful for both the good and the bad moments...for without both, life would be so meaningless.

Here's to another week of creating a brand-new, beautiful tapestry.

Week #24: Dear Dad.

My 2016

Week #24

Dear Dad.

Dear Dad,

I know I've posted a photo collage and called you already today. I also mailed you a card that hasn't arrived yet (oops). But I've been sitting here, reminiscing on my 25 years with you being employed as "dad," and it's made me so incredibly thankful for all of the memories I have of you. Some are good, some are dramatic, but all have been important. So thank you, Dad.

Thank you for carrying me piggy-back style up the stairs to bed every single night. 

Thank you for reading The Chronicles of Narnia out loud to me. I am still convinced that an audio recording of your rendition would make millions.

Thank you for our weekly Zambro's date in Sioux Falls. Thursdays were my favorite day of the week.

Thank you for flying me around the room like I was the starship Enterprise during the Star Trek: TNG theme song. That show will never stop being a part of my life.

Thank you for introducing me to old movies, especially the black and white ones. It has forever changed the way I view quality cinematic work.

Thank you for buying me a cat when I was four years old, even though I'm pretty sure you wanted a dog. I guess that worked out...Katy is basically your cat. She loves you more, anyway. (No, I'm not bitter.)

Thank you for playing duets or trios with me at the Christmas share time every year. Correction: Thank you for struggling to play with me. 

Thank you for buying me a toy whenever I got a shot at the doctor's office. Barbies never failed to make the pain vanish.

Thank you for the album Revolver and how much you played it in the car. You influenced my musical taste in hundreds of ways...this is what I'm the most thankful for.

Thank you for teaching my high school literature classes and forcing me to fall in love with the classics. You're the Atticus Finch to my Scout.

Thank you for always putting up with my Broadway soundtracks on car trips. I know you secretly enjoyed them, even though you acted so annoyed. 

Thank you for asking me to switch from soprano to alto in choir. I'm pretty sure learning to read harmony and how to blend changed the course of my college choral experience.

Thank you for always driving my friends and I to countless movies and dinners at Pueblo Viejo. 

Thank you for thoroughly embarrassing me in front of Justin Thomas Oliver and telling him about our ridiculously creepy fan club. (That was creepy, wasn't it?)

Thank you for Drama Camp. It was the highlight of my summer for so many years. To think that I may be able to direct it myself this year is such a special gift.

Thank you for being the worst dad ever (which really means best dad ever) when I was 15 and thought I had found my future husband. Thanks for not letting me date him. Turns out you have a knack for sniffing out the less than worthy ones.

Thank you for holding me when that guy broke my heart, but also, thank you for not telling me that my heart wasn't really broken. You let me think it was worse than it was, and I appreciate that. 

Thank you for fiercely defending me when my heart really WAS broken a few years later. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but looking back I can see how much you protected me during that relationship. 

Thank you for letting me go to school far away and for letting me grow up the way I needed to. I know how hard that was for you.

Thank you for trying so hard to come see me in every single thing I did in college. Even though my friends made fun of me, I can't imagine you not being there for all of my shining moments at Bryan.

Thank you for allowing me to make some mistakes later on in the dating world so that I could learn from them. Sometimes pain is the only way we grow. Thank you for letting me grow. 

Thank you for supporting me when I walked away from my dream...and then gently coaxing me back on my feet. I wouldn't be in grad school if it hadn't been for you. 

Thank you for saying "no" when I asked to leave Louisiana Tech. Thank you for telling me that I could make it. Thank you for not giving in to my tears and pleas. You knew what you were doing. You always do.

Thank you for giving me your sense of humor. I appreciate showing you Jimmy Fallon videos and the fact that you laugh at them. 

Thank you for still letting me sit in your lap (even though you groan everytime I do it).

Thank you for loving me so overwhelmingly.

Thank you for being my Daddy.

With All My Love,

Your Daughter 

Week #23: [insert clever title about friendship]

My 2016

Week #23

[insert clever title about friendship]

This week I began to figure out how the entirety of my summer is going to be, and I have to admit; I'm beyond content with what life is at the moment. The show I'm stage managing rehearses in the evenings, so I have my morning and afternoons free to do whatever I want...I can haunt my favorite coffee hangout from college, or sit out by the pool at the Belisle's house. I can meet up with friends or spend the day reading (for which I have rediscovered my lifelong passion). On Wednesdays, I drive an hour away to the Cumberland County Playhouse and work in their costume shop. That's been an experience of its own, since I have very little costuming knowledge.

This is my summer, and I love it.

On Friday, we had a pool party for one of my best friends Drew to celebrate his engagement to the lovely Olivia. I knew this was coming for a long time now...in fact, I can still remember sitting in the Walmart hair salon with Drew last May. He turned to me and said, "I've already been looking at rings. I'm gonna marry her, Lex." They had only been dating about a month or so, yet I knew this would be the end result. I couldn't be happier for them; they make a beautiful couple and I can't wait to see what their life together turns out to be. It's beyond weird to think about Drew being a HUSBAND, but I also know that our friendship has been through so much already, and nothing will ever change it. I love him so much. And I can't wait to know Olivia even more too!

While at the party, I got to see several friends from college that I hadn't talked to in a long time. The evening solidified my unwavering belief in Bryan College's ability to foster lifelong friendships. 

It doesn't matter that months have gone by without us speaking or seeing one another. 

It doesn't matter that our lives are totally different from what they were in school. 

It doesn't matter that some of us are married while some of us are not. 

The bonds we created through being at Bryan together can't be broken simply by distance or the passage of time.

If I could thank Bryan College for one thing, that would be it. I don't keep in touch with as many friends from there as I thought I would when I graduated, but the ones that have continued to pop into my life are there for the long haul. We are able to pick up where we left off, and we continue to encourage, lift up, and love one another. It's an amazing thing to witness, and an even more beautiful thing to feel. 

So thanks, BC, for giving me so many people to fondly remember, laugh with, and love on.

It's making this summer even more wonderful than I previously thought it could be.

Week #22: The Spider Saga

My 2016

Week #22

The Spider Saga.

Ok, so this week was crazy.

The first half was spent celebrating Memorial Day with Emilie's family, hanging by the pool, in rehearsals, and spending time with friends.

The second half was when I was supposed to move in to my apartment, a place I'm subletting for June and July. On Friday night I was unpacking all of my stuff when I opened the door to see LITERALLY THE HUGEST SPIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. 

Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. It was so freaking big.

So naturally, I slammed the door shut. Then I looked over to my right and saw ANOTHER ONE EXACTLY THE SAME IN THE CORNER.

I then sprinted to my bedroom and tried to calm down...to no avail. So I texted Emilie, frantically asking her if I could come back and stay there for the night. Finally getting my heart rate to slow down, I said, "I'm sure it's fine, they're just at the front door. I'll be okay." I went to walk out of my bedroom and there was ONE SITTING RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY ROOM. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

At that point, all clarity and common sense left my brain; I grabbed my overnight things and literally ran out of the apartment, leaving all of the lights on and jumping in my car. I drove to the Belisles, crying and shaking like the idiot that I am.

Fine, judge me. But I don't do spiders that are wider than the span of my foot. My bad.

Anyway, over the next 2 days I got people to help me set off a bug bomb and sweep everything up. I haven't seen another bug since (fingers crossed), but last night was my first night sleeping here.

You may laugh at me, but I called my parents and made them stay on the phone with me as I walked in the apartment, checked all of the rooms and tried to calm myself down again. I crawled into bed and fell asleep with Netflix on and my bedroom lamp on all night. 

And you know what? Yeah, I'm still a little scared. I'm still a little uncomfortable, and I'm still a little lonely. But I've taken action to deal with my fear and I'm trying to get past it. (Along with finding the humor in the situation, as seen by the fortune cookie my dad sent me in the above picture.)

This whole story may seem immature, ridiculous and silly to you, but to me...I'm kinda proud of myself.

That's all.